Had a great day.  #NoStress 

I really did have a good day! I woke up to a phone call about another job interview. I’m not sure if I posted about it last night, but i have one tomorrow early morning for  a customer service representative. The one for later in the day is to work at a warehouse. I’d just be packing boxes, but hey, it’s a job. I got a call earlier this afternoon about another interview, but that didn’t happen, because I missed the call. I was feeling kind of stressed, because I didn’t know where I would find the money to get to these interviews, but thank goodness, my Godsister’s coming through. The day isn’t over yet, let’s see what other good thing comes my way. 

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Two questions I’ve had forever

I’m lying here with nothing to do, and I remember a question I’VE always wanted to ask, and I’ve posted it on one other social media, but I thought here would be better. So, here goes: Do you think there’s a difference between a mom, and a mother? I do; i feel like a mom will be there for you, no matter the situation. She’ll take care of you when no one else will, and whatever situation you guys face, you’ll always get through it. 

  I think a mother is simply a birth giver, a conceiver if you will. Maybe I think this way because of my situation, but I feel like “mother” is a more serious term. I mean think about it: people address mom as mother if they’re not on speaking terms. Most people I’ve come across have said “my mother’s calling” when they don’t have the greatest relationship with their mother, and same goes for father. So peeps, I’m curious to know your thoughts.

Potential job

I’ve set a goal for myself. I said I would apply for at least 3 jobs a day. On Friday  is when  I started. I applied for 3 then, 3 on Monday, and (I think) 5 yesterday. I did that all on indeed.com. However, I am in some work from home groups on facebook, and I have found some legit jobs, but I wasn’t able to do them. I think I finally found one that works for me, but I have to get a paypal business card. Well, at least they aren’t trying to mess with my money. Anyway, the card’s free, so I went ahead and got it, and if worst comes to worst, I can store any extra finances that I don’t receive regularly, on there. So, with that being said, please please please wish me luck that I get a job real soon,  because the struggle is SO real. 

Mommy Issues

I need out! Like seriously, I need to leave right now! My mother is driving me insane! She has issues with our neighbors, and she’s taking it out on everyone  in our house, but I feel like she’s coming down harder on me, because I’m blind. I’m feeling trapped, because she told me not to open the door for anyone … at all. That means (and I know she’s serious) that I can’t go anywhere, or have  anyone over. I refuse to live like this!  She’s crazy; no, I’m not exagerating. She really is. If only you guys  knew the half. I feel an anxiety attack coming on, but I’m trying to hold it together for my friend. Besides, my mother doesn’t know I struggle with anxiety.  When she yelled at me not to open the door, I felt my chest tighten. I’ve been feeling rather explosive toward her since I moved in with her, but not like I’ve been feeling these  last few weeks. I just wish I could let it all out; I know I’d feel better. I need to see my therapist, but that’s a whole other story. Ugh!!! I just can’t deal!!!!!!

My Old School

Last night, a friend and I visited our  old high school for their spring concert. Well, for me, it is the only school I’ve attended before college. My cousin also goes there, so I told her I’d attend her last concert,  before she graduated. Anyway, it was fun! It was a 60’s theme concert. Afterward, I got to see some old teachers. I saw my choir director, bell choir director, and the pianist. It was great! I love going back there all the time, because school was a safe haven for me. It’s where I feel most loved, when I’m not with friends. I told the choir director I thought it would be a good idea for him to put on a reunion show. I think it’d be interesting to see who’d show up, and participate. He’s kinda famous, so he mentioned this show he’s having in Delaware, but I don’t know if I’d be able to make that. I told him I’d try, so guess we’ll see what happens then.

Looking for Work 

Well, as usual, I went to sleep with intentions of staying in dreamland, but that didn’t happen. Being awake, and alone with my thoughts can be very overwhelming for me, because I start to dwell on things, like the fact that I still don’t have a job. I know I’m not the only one looking for work, but it’s really stressful to keep applying for jobs, only to not get called for an interview. Or when you do get called, you’re not hired; or, you get the job, but it’s inaccessible because you’re blind. Lots of times, it seems like people are afraid of us, like we’re incapable of working or something. Last time I checked, it was like 70 percent of the blind community was unemployed, and I wish that would change. I tried selling skin care products for this company, but the owner was really disrespectful toward me, and I don’t feel like I’d be a great salesperson anyway. I tried freelance writing, which went well for a few weeks, until the guy stopped paying me. I really got my hopes up with that one. I’m still willing to try that, but I haven’t found a site that works for me. Over the summer, I actually got a job, but the website to train was inaccessible. I don’t know, guess I’ll hop on indeed, since I’m wide awake, but it’s really discouraging. It’s kinda sad… I’ve resorted to making money with apps such as Lucky Day, Movie Money, and 1Q. Don’t get me wrong, those are fun, but I’m an adult with a real struggle, and real hopes, dreams and plans, and I can’t make them happen, because I can’t find a job.

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U say you’re the love of his lifeBecause you’re his wife,

But if that were true, u would not have pulled the knife;

Which could’ve ended his life.
U said u wanted to spend his last days

In his presence, in his grace.

If that were true, you would have saved him that space

In your heart, in your head;

That space in your marital bed.
Instead, there lies a man,

Who you’ve taken by the hand.

You’ve chosen him to be yours,

Which has widened the devil’s doors.
Now, your husband is dead

And u sit and u dread. 

You intoxicate yourself,

Slowly destroying your health.

Over a woman, unworthy of your time, and (supposed wealth.)
So he tells u he loves you,

But that’s just a four letter word,

Which I’m sure, many times before, you’ve heard.
Remember that isn’t necessarily true.

Accept that he may have gotten over u.

Overwhelmed

Hey, so despite some minor things, I had a great weekend. I had a pretty  good day today, too, but once I came in from therapy, all my sadness, and anger just hit me with full force. I’m not entirely sure why, but I have a few ideas. Now, I’m currently sitting here with headphones on, ready to blast my music, and forget the world. Well, talk to you later peeps!

Sticky situation

Hey, so I know I should be sleeping, but the way my life is set up, that’s not happening any time soon.

  I was lying here, watching The fresh Prince of Bel Air, when I noticed my bed deflating. So I figured I could fix it myself. Oh, I fixed it, but only after getting a lot of glue all over my hands. I managed to get some off, but this is a project. I’ll try again later. I know, never a dull moment with me. 

For the Love of Money

Living here is so stressful! What bothers me most is my mother asking every month for x amount of money. I believe that’s all I’m here for, and if that’s the case, I need to move out quick, fast and in a hurry. Every month I tell her no, and this month, I happened to put my foot down, and keep it there. She got mad at me, and kept asking: saying she’ll definitely give it back next week, and asking why I can’t wait to buy my train ticket. No ma’am! I’ve rearranged, and rescheduled too many times because of her. She isn’t even speaking to me over this. Oh well, I’m glad I told her no,  and even though I’m feeling kind of bad right now, I’ll get over it. Before I go, perhaps I should tell y’all the most messed up  part about this whole situation: she’s so mad at me that she’s trying to find everyone but me something to eat. She tried to get this strange guy no one knows to order food, but I don’t get it: she just bought a new car, I gave her rent money, she has a job, and she gets another check. How is it that she’s broke? Oh, and she used my stamps to put food in the house, but she doesn’t feel like cooking, and she doesn’t trust me. It’s cool though, because I  don’t want to cook in this house anyway. With that being said, I have a migraine, so I’m ending it here. talk to you later peeps!